Fear of Losing Control

People are AFRAID to surrender because they will lose CONTROL. But LETTING GO is the only way to really CONQUER FEAR, & getting rid of fear is when you actually GAIN CONTROL of your life, because it is then that you FIND FREEDOM to truly LIVE. Funny, what a PARADOX this is, because it is backwards from what we believe. 

We THINK that if we stay in that miserable relationship, we can control the outcome by controlling the person; however it is when we let go of the toxic people in our lives that we find the freedom to be with those who make us happy, & the ones who make us happy are the ones who love us enough to let us be ourselves. We convince ourselves that if we change careers or jobs that we will lose control, because we will have to learn something new & leave the familiar behind, but it is when we step out of our comfort zone & the things to which we have clung, but which we have outgrown, that we allow ourselves to be open to new, exciting, & daring adventures, & it is those adventures that provide us a chance to figure out who we really are, thus giving us control. We assume that if we do not tell our children what to think, feel, see, do or be, that they will mess up their lives, but in reality, when we do not allow them to become who God inspired them to become, that is when we mess up their lives for them. We imagine that if we do not fold the towels, take out the trash, or cook the roast beef the same way that we always have done, that the outcome will be undesirable, forgetting that perhaps there might be more space in the closet, less litter on the street, or a much more savory dinner if we will but surrender our old ways to new ones. 

Letting go, surrendering, & losing control, are difficult things to do, because we conjure up illusions to support the need for us to be in charge, & our fears prevent us from true freedom, wherein lies peace. We can frantically fight the waves until we are totally exhausted, yet find ourselves in exactly the same place in which we started, or we can calmly ride them & not only enjoy the ride, but end up in a tranquil spot, safely back at the shore. I have done all of these things. I have no regrets, but if I had it to do over again, I would have had more trust in God to protect my babies & left a most miserable existence far sooner. 

Sometimes clarity only comes after the storm has died down. If only I could have seen then, what I see now. But I did the best that I could do at the time, given my understanding of life & the situation. Since then I am proud to say that I have conquered many fears: I was afraid first & foremost of not doing my best for my children, but also I was afraid of potential illness, of being alone, of falling, of crashing, of lack of financial resources, & yes, of rodents. And since that time, I have been each & every one of those things at some point or another in my life, but I have survived every single day of my life. Once I finally had enough sense to let go & conquer my fears, I have found that is where I gained control of my own life, & that, my friends, is all we are really called to do. 

God created us each with our own unique gifts, callings, & desires, & whenever we allow the issues of others, the demands of controlling people, or the fears of failure to rule us, we are chained to those things. It is time to break free, to lose the chains that bind us to addictions to the past, to toxic people, to substances, & yes, to the addiction of the need to be in control. Freedom lies in letting go. Peace lies in freedom. Gravitate towards those that love you, not the ones that control you. Turn towards the challenges that excite you, not the ones that weigh you down. Choose to be in the relationships, jobs, or places that make you happy, not the ones that make you miserable.

 When you live in misery, fear, or under someone else’s control, you are not in any shape to live out your life according to God’s plan for you. Just as a fish cannot thrive if it is constantly pretending to be a dog, neither can you thrive if you are constantly pretending to be happy. Conquer your fear of losing control by letting go – I’m looking forward to finally seeing the “real” you – the person you were destined to be!

– Lou Lehman Sams 


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I am a Southern Belle, through and through. Born and raised in North Alabama, where my family settled in 1808, when the area was still the Mississippi Territory, I come from a line of Planters, Patriots, and Pioneers. They were people who were unafraid to take risks, who said what they believed, and who honored God and their Country. Like my ancestors before me, I have strong values, believing that the Golden Rule is indeed golden. I write as a way to relate and as a release. I hope that my words may inspire, challenge and provoke one to thinking about how extraordinary things can come out of ordinary places, people, and things.

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